Tuesday, August 18, 2026

Free Teacher-Facing AI for Behavior and Learning

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Subscribe to the 10 Minute Teacher Podcast and Cool Cat Teacher Talk anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Many people are using AI for decision-making. Here’s the problem with that when you’re a teacher. We have PII (personally identifiable information) that we should not have anywhere near AI. Additionally, when we talk about research-based best practices but use general-purpose AI tools like ChatGPT, we are effectively throwing them out and not drawing on trusted sources. This is a problem, as many teachers don’t know how to train AI, and if so, there are too many sources to add to public-facing AI in order to give the resources we need.

Sponsored: Ellis, a program of Children’s Health Council, sponsored this podcast episode. All opinions are my own and that of the guest. Ellis pulls from a knowledge base of content from trusted partners like CAST, CASEL, Understood and others, and gives you evidence-aligned ideas for students who are struggling with learning, behavior, or the emotional side of school (but not clinical advice).

If you’ve got a student (or two) who you can’t stop thinking about, try it and see what it brings you. No personally identifiable student information is collected, and it is a much better place to start than “brainstorming” with your general-purpose AI chat tool. Try Ellis today.

We’ve been talking about and sharing teacher-facing AI tools recently because, for now, that is where I think some of the most successful uses of AI in the classroom are. So, if you’re struggling, I suggest you check out Ellis, the tool we talk about on today’s show. This tool integrates an AI chat with a powerful prompting method and trusted resources of information about how to reach and help kids, to give teachers ideas for their classroom. I’d start here instead of regular AI. And it is free. On today’s show, Natalie Tamburello talks about the development of this tool and how it is working. It can help you understand teacher-facing AI and the tools being developed by nonprofits and research organizations to help teachers draw on reliable resources rather than the open Internet.

They’re (teachers are) not short on care. They’re short on time, steady support, and clear next steps in moments when students need them most.

Natalie Tamburello, Community Engagement Manager, Children’s Health Council

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AI Vocabulary from This Episode

  • Teacher-facing AI — AI that is for the teacher to use. The teacher may use it to create personalized content for students, but the generative AI use stays with the teacher. Natalie is direct about why Ellis was built this way: “that’s also why Ellis is teacher-facing and not student-facing. We don’t need more kids in front of screens.” (We first defined this one with Todd Brekhus in Keeping the Teacher at the Center of Classroom AI.)
  • RAG (Retrieval Augmented Generation) — when an AI answers from a specific set of documents you give it rather than from the whole internet, and shows you the sources. Natalie’s words in this episode: “instead of scraping the entirety of the internet to get a response, we have a pool of resources from vetted partners.”
  • Grounding — constraining an AI to an approved set of sources so it answers from those instead of from whatever it absorbed during training. “Ellis isn’t trained on the open internet.” This is the question to ask any AI vendor: what is this grounded in?
  • Prompt Scaffolding (Slot Filling) — when a tool walks you through a guided sequence of questions instead of handing you a blank box. Ellis asks what the student’s strengths are before it asks what is wrong, and teachers told Natalie that answering that question changed how they saw the child before they ever got a response. Prompt scaffolding is the plain-English name, borrowed from educational scaffolding; slot filling is the technical name for the mechanic underneath — the system has required fields and keeps asking until they are filled.
  • Guardrails — rules built into a tool that stop it from going somewhere it should not. Ellis shuts the conversation down entirely on anything touching suicidal ideation or self-harm and points you to your reporting procedures as a mandated reporter. Ask what a tool’s guardrails are before you hand it a student situation.
  • PII Redaction — automatically stripping personally identifiable information out of what you typed. If you paste in a BIP or an IEP and a name slips through, Ellis removes it. That is not something a general-purpose chatbot does for you.

Teacher-facing AI and RAG are already in my AI vocabulary list. Grounding, prompt scaffolding, guardrails, and PII redaction are not yet — I will add them as soon as I hit publish on this post. You can grab the whole list in my AI Vocabulary List, and let students review the terms with Spy the AI (a free AI vocabulary game I vibe-coded from that same list.)

Key Takeaways for Teachers from Natalie Tamburello

  • RAG – retrieval-augmented generation is a method of training an AI tool that pulls resources into the tool. This method lets you vet resources and create a smaller pool of resources to train an AI tool (but often much larger than you can use to train your typical public-facing AI tool)
  • Prompt scaffolding guides a person to add essential information rather than expecting them to remember what to include. These prompts start with student strengths. Teachers told her that just filling in the scenario changed how they thought about the child before they ever got an answer..
  • Know exactly where the line is. Ellis supports classroom decision-making, not clinical decision-making. It does not diagnose, assess, or provide therapy, and anything touching suicidal ideation or self-harm shuts the conversation down and routes you to your reporting procedures as a mandated reporter. Knowing where the line is on all tools we use is vital and this is another way that this tool lis different.

Ellis can be used with a class situation or individual students (without names, of course). If you have a situation, go to askellis.org and sign up for a free account. If you have someone who works with you, do this together. Find suggestions and determine something new to try. Then, come back to the tool. When you are done, discuss the process but also discuss the use of AI and how this is different from regular “chat” tools. Compare the things you can and cannot do in Ellis versus a regular public-facing AI tool.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

  • Ellis — the free teacher-facing tool from Children’s Health Council. Create an account, then start either an individual student scenario or a classroom scenario.
  • Children’s Health Council — the Palo Alto nonprofit that built, owns, and operates Ellis.
  • CAST — universal design for learning; designing a classroom that is accessible to every student. One of Ellis’s content partners.
  • CASEL — the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning. Content partner.
  • Understood — resources for families raising kids with learning and attention differences. Content partner.
  • Ensemble Learning — supports multilingual learners and the schools that serve them. Content partner.
  • Learning Ally and the National Center for Learning Disabilities — two organizations Natalie has worked with.

About Natalie Tamburello – Bio as Submitted

Natalie Tamburello of Children's Health Council on teacher-facing AI for behavior and learning
Natalie Tamburello, Community Engagement Manager, Children’s Health Council

Natalie Tamburello, MPhil, is a learning disability and education equity advocate dedicated to helping students who learn differently navigate school, work, and life transitions. As Community Engagement Manager at Children’s Health Council in Palo Alto, she develops programs and partnerships supporting students, families, educators, and professionals. She has collaborated with Learning Ally, Understood, the National Center for Learning Disabilities, and Parents Education Network. Natalie holds a BA from Whitman College and an MPhil from the University of Cambridge.

Connect with Natalie: LinkedIn · chconline.org

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Episode Transcript

This transcript was generated using AI and has been reviewed by humans for accuracy. Minor errors or artifacts may remain but I worked my best to find any issues with the transcript as I reviewed the show. – Vicki

Click to read the full transcript

Vicki Davis (00:00): Tech Tool Tuesday, Episode 971. Today, we’ll talk about better ways to create teacher-facing AI built on best practices that really can help you with behavior in the classroom.

Announcer (00:13): This is the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast with your host, Vicki Davis.

Vicki Davis (00:14): Today’s show is sponsored by Ellis, a free resource from Children’s Health Council that helps teachers think through tough student moments and find practical next steps. Today’s guest is Natalie Tamburello, a learning disability and education equity advocate at Children’s Health Council, the nonprofit organization behind Ellis. All opinions on today’s show are my own.

Vicki Davis (00:45): Natalie Tamburello is Community Engagement Manager at the Children’s Health Council in Palo Alto and a learning disability and education equity advocate. She holds a degree from Cambridge and has worked with Understood, Learning Ally, and the National Center for Learning Disabilities.

Natalie, one problem that teachers are facing right now is that they have students with mental health issues. They have students with learning differences, and a lot of them are turning just to regular old AI, or to talk to other teachers, and that can help some. But why is everything falling short of what we’re seeing right now in the classroom?

Natalie Tamburello (01:22): Vicki, exactly what you just said. Educators are really inundated right now. They’re not short on care. They’re short on time, steady support, and clear next steps in moments when students need them most. And many teachers, I think, enter the profession because of the relationships that they can build with students.

I think over the past decade, and especially since COVID, those relationships have become a lot harder to protect because of a lot of competing priorities. Students are coming to school with much more complex learning and behavior and emotional needs. Educators are being asked to respond to anxiety, depression, learning differences, attendance challenges, classroom disruptions, academic pressure, all at the same time. For many teachers, they’ve never received the training to handle those types of challenges. And we really don’t think it’s reasonable to continue to ask educators to do all of that thinking and then carry all of that work alone.

But often colleagues are stretched thin. A counselor may have, you know, over 300 students on their caseload. A learning specialist is more focused on students who are already identified, or a Tier 3 student.

Even now, as GPTs become more popular, they go online or they go ask an AI, how can I help this student? Or even on social media. But what they find is not specific enough, practical enough, grounded enough to use in the moment. And they have no idea whether they can trust it.

Vicki Davis (02:45): Issue with just general large language models like ChatGPT is that they weren’t trained on whether information was accurate or not. We talk about research-based best practices, but if we’re using regular old AI chat, we’re not getting that.

Today, you work with Ellis, a tool that the Children’s Health Council has created. So under the hood, how is this different from going to a regular ChatGPT or Claude or Gemini?

Natalie Tamburello (03:16): So the difference with Ellis, there’s two things. There’s a difference in how it’s built, and then there’s also a difference in the product itself and how it gets answers for you.

We use what we call a RAG, which is a Retrieval Augmented Generation. That’s what it stands for. So instead of scraping the entirety of the internet to get a response, we have a pool of resources from vetted partners who have expertise in the LD and mental health fields, that are all nonprofit organizations just like ours, to ensure a really accurate response.

Ellis isn’t trained on the open internet. It’s specifically when you ask a question of Ellis, the system searches a curated library of really trusted resources that humans have vetted and that we have partnered with. And what’s really great about this is that there’s a lot of amazing organizations that exist out there, but have really amazing resources. And so this is a way of getting that kind of content that might not be accessible.

Children’s Health Council, we have our own content. That’s the organization that’s built Ellis and owns and operates Ellis. And Understood, which is an organization that focuses primarily on parents and supporting them through their journey of having students with learning and attention differences. CAST is an organization that works on universal design for learning and making sure that you design a classroom to be accessible for all students. And then CASEL is another one that people might recognize, which is a social-emotional learning. We also have Ensemble Learning, which is for students who are learning English as a second language. I mean, there’s a lot of different partners that we have.

Vicki Davis (04:47): So we have these resources in there. So I’ve tested it out and I took in a student situation, typed in the information that I have. So if I type in the information about a student — obviously, I’m not going to put their name or anything — if somebody’s using Ellis or really any tool, do you have guidelines for how the teacher should type in information to get these ideas?

Natalie Tamburello (05:09): Yeah. The other way that Ellis is different from AIs is that it walks you through a strengths-based prompt process. So teachers have actually told us that even the act of inputting a scenario, before even receiving a response, has changed how they were thinking about the student, because teachers are often coming to use Ellis at a time where they’re pretty frustrated, right? And rightly so.

One of the first three questions that is asked is, what are the student’s strengths? And so really trying to reframe your thinking about the student’s strengths. And that also helps Ellis respond and give suggestions and strategies that are based in that student’s strength rather than their weaknesses. There is a prompt process, which is also helpful, but is very different from another AI, that really leads you through the process where it’s not really relying on you inputting the information. It really guides you through that process.

We do guide them not to share any personal identifiable information about the student. But if you happen to do that — say you’re copying over a BIP or an IEP and a name slips through — Ellis automatically removes that. So personal identifiable information is protected. Again, not something that another AI might do.

Vicki Davis (06:19): Okay, so we have better protection. I like how it’s really guiding us through the prompts. And when you’re frustrated, you may or may not remember those things. Let’s go through a typical scenario.

Natalie Tamburello (06:30): One of the things I’m really privileged to do is to be one of the main people who speaks to a lot of our users. So I have a lot of conglomeration of stories and anecdotes to share with individual teachers.

The first thing that they’ve said — and pretty much every teacher I’ve talked to has said this when they’ve inputted a scenario — it feels very validating and very relieving. I think they’re worried that Ellis is going to come back with all of these strategies that they’ve never seen before. And that’s not true. Usually you’ve tried some of the things that Ellis has suggested. So it’s that immediate validation, and then feeling really confident that you have a plan moving forward.

So what’s also very different about Ellis is that it has an action plan built into it. So instead of just a text response that you might get from another AI, there’s an action plan that goes week by week that’s customizable based off whatever strategies that you select, and you can track your progress through that. So it feels doable and actionable. So that’s another thing that teachers have really mentioned.

And another story that I can share — when we designed Ellis, one of our biggest concerns when working with an AI is that a lot of AI, and the criticism around AI, is that it isolates people even more. People become more and more siloed, and we didn’t want Ellis to do that. We wanted Ellis to encourage collaboration. And although Ellis is built as individual accounts for teachers that are free, we are seeing teachers using it collaboratively. They are mainly using it with teacher teams like MTSS teams, or through coaching, or learning specialists are using it with a teacher to help create some neutral common ground, especially when there’s differing opinions. So that’s been really amazing to see. Like, we knew we were going to be successful with Ellis, or we were doing the right thing, is if people started using it in a collaborative way — even though the tool currently isn’t built to be used collaboratively.

Vicki Davis (08:21): What are some things that a teacher cannot expect Ellis to do?

Natalie Tamburello (08:24): We draw a really clear line. Ellis supports classroom decision-making, not clinical decision-making. And it doesn’t diagnose, it doesn’t assess, it doesn’t provide therapy. It really specifically shows classroom-grounded strategies that can be implemented. It will not create an evaluation. And if there’s anything related to suicidal ideation or self-harm, we immediately shut down the conversation and direct you to proper reporting procedures as a mandated reporter.

And when I’ve talked to teachers about, oh, what kind of training did you receive as you were getting your teaching credential? They say, well, maybe I had a semester in learning disabilities or mental health while I was getting that credential. And then when they actually show up in the classroom as a general education teacher, they realize, well, I’m teaching all different types of kids, and I have to be able to at least triage a little bit and manage that classroom, because not every single kid with an IEP or 504 is getting pulled out all the time to be handled by someone else. And so developing your skills as an educator is really important. It’s completely separate from clinical advice.

Vicki Davis (09:31): Now, how do you answer that question of those who say, I’m opposed to all AI being used in anything with student behavior, mental health, or learning differences?

Natalie Tamburello (09:42): Yeah, I would say your skepticism is healthy. I think I would probably agree with a lot of the skeptics out there. Student mental health is way too important to hand over to AI, and that is not what Ellis was designed to do. And that’s also why Ellis is teacher-facing and not student-facing. We don’t need more kids in front of screens. And at the end of the day, every decision still belongs to the teacher.

Ellis is there to make trusted knowledge easier to access and more actionable. So you know that you have reputable strategic strategies to try. A lot of this is a lot harder to access than you would anticipate. And we’re able to uplift organizations that you wouldn’t necessarily see or recognize. Also, everything in Ellis is cited. And you can click on them, you can share them, you can save them.

Vicki Davis (10:28): So Natalie, a teacher struggling — what can they do right now to get into Ellis? Can they get started right now?

Natalie Tamburello (10:36): Yeah, you can go to askellis.org, create an account. The account creation process is pretty quick. And then once you’ve done that, you can start a scenario. You have the ability to start an individual scenario if you have a particular challenge that you’re having with an individual student, but then you can also do a classroom scenario. So if you’re having a classroom dynamic or challenge — and it shouldn’t take you more than a few minutes to get a response, depending on how much you give Ellis. If you give Ellis quite a bit, it’s going to take a little bit longer of your time. But it should be really self-explanatory. We created Ellis so that it was really easy for you all to use.

For me, it’s really personal. And I think anyone listening can identify with the experience of having a really amazing teacher. I’m dyslexic. I also have experienced anxiety as a student. And I can remember teachers who made a real difference in my life. And it was not because of a lesson plan or a test, unfortunately — I think a lot of teachers would love that — but it was because they took the time to understand what I needed in a challenging moment and had the grace and the humility to adjust their approach.

And I’m sure we can all think of a teacher that impacted our trajectory. And it was likely at a time when you were not at your best, whether you had a mental health challenge or a learning difference or not, and they knew what to do to encourage you forward. And it’s that kind of relationship that can really change a student’s trajectory and experience of school. And that’s something that AI cannot replace. But I hope — we hope — that Ellis helps facilitate more of those moments.

And whether you use Ellis or not, I think taking a moment to be curious before being corrective, and thinking about how you can grow as an educator and develop your skills by learning from your students and with them as they’re going through some challenges.

Vicki Davis (12:24): This has been a fantastic conversation with Natalie Tamburello, Community Engagement Manager at the Children’s Health Council. And we’ve been talking about Ellis. They are a nonprofit organization. And this is really, Natalie, I think, where we need to be heading — with more highly vetted teacher-facing resources that do use AI to do what it does well, which is pull together a lot of information, but then do what we humans can do very well, which is accurately vet all of this wealth of resource so that we can do a better job. So thanks for coming on the show.

Vicki Davis (13:04): That was Natalie Tamburello from Children’s Health Council, and today’s show was sponsored by Ellis. Ellis is free for teachers. You describe a real situation with a real student, and Ellis answers from a knowledge base of content from trusted partners like CAST, CASEL, Understood, and others. Ellis gives you information, not clinical advice. It doesn’t collect personally identifiable student information.

I’ve spent the drive home thinking about that one student. When I went to Ellis and put in what happened, it gave me some great ideas to try. I was impressed with the suggestions it gave me. If that’s you, go to coolcatteacher.com forward slash Ellis. That’s coolcatteacher.com forward slash Ellis. It’s free!

Vicki Davis (13:57): Thanks for tuning in to the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast. Watch the video version of this podcast and catch my new radio and TV show, Cool Cat Teacher Talk, on YouTube and a radio or TV station near you. Join my Cool Cat Teacher Classroom Matters newsletter at coolcatteacher.com forward slash newsletter. Leave a review if you found this helpful. See you later, educator.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a sponsored episode and blog post. Ellis, a program of Children’s Health Council, has compensated me to share information about Ellis. However, all opinions expressed are my own. I have personally reviewed these resources and only recommend tools I believe offer genuine value to classroom teachers. My endorsement is limited to the educational products and services discussed in this episode. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” The sponsor has no impact on the editorial content of this show.

Free Teacher-Facing AI for Behavior and Learning with Natalie Tamburello, episode 971 of the 10 Minute Teacher Podcast

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Monday, August 17, 2026

Teaching Kids Boundaries: What to Say in the Moment

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Subscribe to the 10 Minute Teacher Podcast and Cool Cat Teacher Talk anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Boundaries. I wish I had learned more earlier. How to say no. How not to be steamrolled. How to be more sensitive to others when I was not listening. All these things. Today’s guest, Ashley Bendiksen, has moved from reactive counseling to prevention of trauma by writing a book that caregivers and parents can read with children about boundaries.

Sponsored: Ellis, a program of Children’s Health Council, sponsored this podcast episode. All opinions are my own and that of the guest. Ellis pulls from a knowledge base on content from trusted partners like CAST, CASEL, Understood and others, and gives you evidence-aligned ideas for students who are struggling with learning, behavior, or the emotional side of school (but not clinical advice).

If you’ve got a student (or two) who you can’t stop thinking about, try it and see what it brings you. No personally identifiable student information is collected, and it is a much better place to start than “brainstorming” with your general-purpose AI chat tool. Try Ellis today.

She also rehearses words we can use with kids as we work to help kids learn not only how to “get along” but how to respect each other. And yes, of course, we talk about teacher boundaries too. Many of us teachers struggle with pleasing and not saying no. (This took me at least 15 years to learn how to do wisely and well and it was 15 years too long!) So, this conversation will help teachers of all ages but especially those working with littles. It will be useful for parents as well.

This conversation touches on dating abuse and domestic violence. If you or a student needs help right now: the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (TTY 1-800-787-3224). For teens and young adults, love is respect is 1-866-331-9474, or text LOVEIS to 22522. Both are free and available 24/7.

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Key Takeaways for Teachers from Ashley Bendiksen

  • Boundaries are not just physical. They can be emotional and social too. Interestingly, Ashley says that teens who hear her dating violence talk come up afterward and say, “Can your best friend do these things?” Well, if you have a friend who always says what everyone will do and has an overcontrol issue over your life, possibly.
  • Learn the words to use. Sometimes kids need to know the words to use. Ashley talks about “micro-moments” such as mentioning to a child “did you ask first” or “make sure you tell them that you don’t like that.”
  • Respecting boundaries in addition to expressing them. Sometimes kids (and adults) can steamroll another person. We need to be sensitive to the boundaries of others when they express them to us. (As a mom of adult children, I’m super sensitive to this one.) This is something we can teach at a younger age.
  • The boundaries we teachers struggle with…. We, teachers, know that our jobs can be super high-burnout. In my 24-year career, it took me a good 16 years to learn to express my own boundaries with my administrators. As Ashley says, “no” is a complete sentence. (But it can be hard to learn to say it wisely, well, and respectfully.)

Today’s show is one to talk about with others and with students. One thing we can do to help children is to give them the language to use by picking a few “low stakes” scenarios before they might happen. Some examples are:

  • “Someone wants to look at your homework”
  • “Someone wants to always pick the game that is played,” or
  • “You feel like people don’t listen to you.”

For Blended Learning Environments: The beginning of the year is a good time to make sure you include your boundaries in your class newsletter or an email home. Something I would say was:

All assignments are due at 8 am or at the end of the school day. If you’re having trouble turning in work or have questions, email as soon as you have a problem (so there’s a timestamp showing you didn’t wait until the last minute), but remember, I’ll reply on the next weekday. You can also come to school early – I’ll be there at 7:30 to help anyone who didn’t have internet at home.

What are your boundaries? Have you been clear with parents and others about when you’re available to help?

If you have challenges at home.

When I was caring for my Dad in his last days, I created several emergency lesson plans for each class. I never knew when I would be back. I had them ready to go and on my desk each day when I left school. I made sure my principal and the admin team knew they were there and that, if something unexpected happened, they could use the emergency lesson plans without having to call me. I also had a block in Google Classroom called “emergency lesson plans” that were ready to go. That way, I could log in and hit publish, and they were ready, and I didn’t have to remember. Sometimes planning ahead like this can really help reduce the stress of worrying about your classroom. I lived this last year, and this really helped me draw boundaries so I could be there for Dad. Here’s my substitute teacher manual you can fill out for yourself on Tpt if you want a copy.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

About Ashley Bendiksen – Bio as Submitted

Ashley Bendiksen, author of A Kids Book About Boundaries, on teaching kids boundaries
Ashley Bendiksen, author of A Kids Book About Boundaries

Ashley Bendiksen is an acclaimed national speaker, award-winning activist, and survivor-turned subject matter expert in domestic violence, teen dating violence, early intervention, and trauma resilience. She supports diverse audiences nationwide — uniquely specializing in working with schools and youth-serving organizations to address risks, prevent harm, empower students, and equip caring adults with the skills to provide trauma-informed care.

Ashley’s personal lived experience is supplemented by extensive professional work across the criminal justice system, victim services, primary prevention, policy, and advocacy spaces. Ashley is also the founder of a global storytelling platform for survivors and co-founder of Island Youth Coaching, an organization specializing in supporting adolescents and youth-serving nonprofits.

Ashley is also the author of A Kids Book About Boundaries — a practical and powerful book for school-age children and caring adults, teaching boundary-setting, communication, and self-advocacy skills.

Connect with Ashley: ashleybendiksen.com · LinkedIn · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube

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Episode Transcript

This transcript was generated using AI and has been reviewed by humans for accuracy. Minor errors or artifacts may remain but I worked my best to find any issues with the transcript as I reviewed the show. – Vicki

Click to read the full transcript

Announcer (00:22): This is the 10-Minute Teacher Podcast with your host, Vicki Davis.

Vicki Davis (00:00): In his book, Boundaries, Henry Cloud says the most basic boundary-setting word is no. But how do we help our younger children set those boundaries? Today’s guest, Ashley Bendiksen, teaches us how to help younger kids set boundaries in class. Happy Motivational Monday. This is episode 970.

Vicki Davis (00:27): Today’s show is sponsored by Ellis. A free tool from Children’s Health Council that helps teachers think through tough student moments and find practical next steps. Tune in at the end of the show, and I’ll tell you more about Ellis.

Vicki Davis (00:45): Today, we’re welcoming back Ashley Bendiksen, an expert in abuse prevention and trauma resilience. She was on this show back in 2019 talking about teen dating abuse that we’ll include in the show notes.

She just wrote A Kids Book About Boundaries, published by Penguin Random House. It teaches children the communication and self-advocacy skills, if you ever wished, there was a way to help kids understand boundaries before they’re in crisis. This is the conversation for you.

Ashley, what happened in these seven years since we talked that led you from awareness to prevention?

Ashley Bendiksen (01:29): Part of my belief is that early intervention is the strategy. It’s great if I can reach students and people who have already experienced these issues. But the big question is always, how can we prevent this? And I don’t think that always necessarily means having these big, heavy, complex conversations, but instead teaching those tiny micro empowering life skills that can help us in situations where we need to use our voice.

So certainly in my field, talking about dating violence or unhealthy relationships, even if that’s unhealthy friend relationships as a teen, learning as a child how to use your voice, how to recognize what doesn’t feel comfortable, that’s really preventative and really empowering. So it was a no-brainer for me to publish a book that reached kids even younger than my typical audience.

Vicki Davis (02:16): Ashley, you’ve talked very openly about your dating abuse situation on the Crime Junkie podcast. When that wonderful, loving, great relationship took a dark turn, how would you have acted differently if you had read this book?

Ashley Bendiksen (02:31): It sounds silly as an adult, but as a kid, and this is a very common experience, I didn’t know that I had a choice when things happened to me. I had a very limited sense of agency in my life, and so I thought I had to navigate what life threw at me. The idea of speaking up, expressing a boundary, saying no, and not just trying to be compliant or avoid conflict or just people please, I was very foreign.

I think I just didn’t realize I had a voice. And just knowing that I could simply even say the word no, period, as a full sentence, really would have helped me, I think, in those early moments where I kind of sensed that something was wrong or that this person was changing. I could have stopped it so much sooner had I just had the skills to speak up and communicate in those moments.

Vicki Davis (03:16): So what was the light bulb moment that made you think, hey, we need to start having this conversation before kids go in crisis?

Ashley Bendiksen (03:23): I think a lot of my work certainly was born out of my own self-discovery, right? Part of healing from trauma or abuse or any challenge in life, you look back and you ask a lot of questions. What could have been done differently? So it was certainly something that started as a personal reflection. But now that I’ve been speaking in schools for, my goodness, nearly 18 years, it’s just become so evident that this is a huge piece of the puzzle.

Vicki Davis (03:47): So you really encourage kids to read this with their caregiver. Like, what’s your ideal scenario for how young could kids be to read this book, and how should parents, caregivers, teachers approach this?

Ashley Bendiksen (04:02): This book is part of a best-selling kids’ book series called A Kids Book About, an incredible collection of books on all different topics. They are all kind of written from that same approach. It’s meant to be read between an adult and a child.

It’s a great read for an adult to sit down, go page by page. There’s lots of blank space, not filled with tons of designs and illustrations. It’s very much meant for clear, communicating, step-by-step conversations and leaving room for those nuanced questions in between, which is really helpful because I think not only are you teaching the child who is listening to the book or reading with their caregiver, but also parents and caregivers are adopting some language that they can use to teach these mini lessons and these skills around boundaries, because many adults don’t really know how to navigate this topic either. I think it’s really helpful for both of them. Hopefully the book becomes the beginning of ongoing conversations, ongoing reinforcement, and they can pick it up as the child gets older too.

You had asked about the ages. It’s written for young people aged five to nine. So this is for that elementary level. Believe me when I say I painstakingly wrote this, thinking about every single word. Will a child understand this? Will this makes sense to them? Is this example relevant? So it’s super kid-friendly. But again, these become those transformative skills that they can apply in different ways and contextualize as they get older throughout life.

Vicki Davis (05:28): Ashley, I came across Henry Cloud, who writes a lot of adult book on boundaries. But teaching boundaries is important. And it’s not just, don’t touch me here or there. I had a friend in college who I had to break off the friendship because she wanted to always say where we would go eat, who I could be friends with, and was really trying to control everything about my life. And it took me a while to open my eyes to that.

So what do you want a kid to feel after they read this book that will help them carry forward to circumstances later in life like mine or like yours?

Ashley Bendiksen (06:02): It’s definitely something I hear often among teens. I mean, when I give the dating violence talks, they’ll come up and say, can your best friend do these things? It absolutely applies to all people, all relationships, all scenarios.

And one of the things that I teach in the book is that boundaries are not just physical, they’re emotional too. And we can set these emotional boundaries where we speak up when people say or do things or treat us in ways that make us feel uncomfortable or even unsafe in some way. Those are dynamics where it matters just as much as the physical scenarios where you need to use your voice and speak up because obviously young people are learning to develop their sense of self, their sense of identity, and not just adopting what their friends want or becoming who other people want them to be. It’s really powerful to protect themselves, but also protect their sense of self and authenticity and autonomy.

Vicki Davis (06:54): What do you think the biggest misconceptions that parents and teachers have about helping kids understand boundaries?

Ashley Bendiksen (07:02): Simply that it’s some big, heavy, complex topic, that it’s about physical contact. The misconception is that it’s this mammoth issue and many people don’t really know where to begin or where to start. But really, teaching boundaries is a simple, sustainable approach. It’s something teachers can do in very small ways in the classroom. It’s something parents can do on a regular basis.

And it’s really just kind of using those micro moments to teach what boundaries are, reinforce the fact that a child has choice in certain situations, giving them two options, giving them language. Like, if you don’t like that, you can say, I don’t like that. And it’s just those little moments when repeated that really make a big impact. So it’s not about needing to know all about boundaries or adding this whole extra lesson into your lesson plan. It’s just about those small daily moments that reinforce these skills.

Vicki Davis (07:55): So Ashley, I’m sure some teachers are listening to this thinking, my students need this. Is there a boundary building activity they can do in their classroom like this week?

Ashley Bendiksen (08:04): As far as activities go, kids love role-playing. When I do workshops with students, they love a scenario. They love talking it out. They love reading a script and practicing these phrases. And I think that’s probably one of the biggest barriers that young people face is that they don’t always have the words, the language to communicate things.

So I think a simple thing that teachers could do this week is look up some scenarios, create some, have the students help create the scenarios, and then have them discuss and kind of practice what might you say if you didn’t want to play that game or you didn’t want to let someone look at your homework. That’s a fun activity and one any teacher can do.

Vicki Davis (08:42): So often, we teachers, we just want everybody to get along, right? And so you have the kid who always tells everybody else what to play, really fusses if they don’t get their way. When we gloss over it and don’t help with that boundary-setting activity. Sometimes we have to pause. Sometimes we have to have those conversations when we see that there is a dominant student, for everyone’s sake. That’s not always an easy thing to do.

Do you think sometimes we send the wrong message, just trying to help everybody to get along? Oh, let’s just go along with what so-and-so wants because they’re a pain, right? When they don’t get their way. Like, that’s not the message we want to send.

Ashley Bendiksen (09:22): I agree. And it’s certainly not helping that child as well. That’s the other side of this whole coin — is it’s not just teaching young people to express boundaries, but respect boundaries as well.

This doesn’t mean you have to pull that dominant student aside and have this whole coaching moment or lesson with them. But we can just say things like, hey, let’s pause. Did we ask first before we grab their pencil? Let’s give them a moment to finish. Or little things that we can say to call out — I don’t know, you just, that was a little disrespectful where you just talked over your classmate, or maybe your classmate doesn’t want to play that game. So it’s just those little micro moments, again, of just reinforcing classroom norms, norms of respect and how it goes both ways.

Vicki Davis (10:03): One of the things about teaching is it’s high burnout. You know that. It bleeds over into our lives. Like, that’s why I think the Boundaries books helped me so much, because as a teacher, it’s so hard to have boundaries.

Ashley Bendiksen (10:16): It certainly is. Physical boundaries, time boundaries, tech and digital boundaries, emotional boundaries. When you’re working with kids that are challenging, you’re right, it can feel really hard. And suddenly you wake up one day and realize that you don’t have a boundary line at all with anything.

As some advice, don’t be too hard on yourself for that. It’s not necessarily because you’re not practicing enough self-care. That is just the system you’re in. Sometimes it doesn’t support you to have boundaries, but I think in those moments of awareness, that’s when we just course correct a little bit and maybe just set one small boundary where we re-communicate to the kids and the parents that you don’t answer emails after a certain time of night. Realizing that you really need to just do something for yourself Saturday morning and scheduling it in. So it’s just one small thing at a time.

Vicki Davis (11:06): We had a boundary setting conversation after COVID and we said, hey, all our assignments are going to be due at either 8 a.m. the next morning, the end of class or the end of school. We’re not going to have any assignments due at midnight for boundary reasons for both kids and for teachers.

I could just feel everybody relax when we openly said, OK, this is a boundary. We all need to have a personal life. We shouldn’t apologize for that advocacy. See. Now, sometimes we all get in situations where the boundaries do blur. If we’re always saying yes, and we’re not setting boundaries, we’re not setting boundaries. We’re not setting, then does that model what we want our students to do?

Ashley Bendiksen (11:44): We are constantly modeling behaviors for the young people around us. So that is a big piece of it. Some people might feel their school or their administration doesn’t support their ability to take breaks, practice self-care, set boundaries. And maybe that’s a conversation to have too, but it starts with, again, at any age, using your voice, expressing how you feel, seeing what you can do, and then just taking it one step at a time from there.

Vicki Davis (12:07): Ashley Bendiksen, thank you for coming on the show.

Ashley Bendiksen (12:09): Thank you, Vicki.

Vicki Davis (12:10): Thank you, Ellis, for sponsoring this week’s shows on the 10-Minute Teacher. Ellis is a free tool for K-12 educators from the Children’s Health Council. Here’s how it works. You type in what actually happened with a student, what you saw, what you already tried, and where you’re stuck. Then Ellis gives you practical, evidence-aligned next steps from a knowledge base of content from trusted partners like CAST, CASEL, Understood, and others.

Ellis gives you information, not clinical advice, and it doesn’t collect personally identifiable student information. It’s a far better place to start than general purpose AI tools because Ellis isn’t pulling from the open internet. So the next time you leave school still thinking about that one student, go to coolcatteacher.com forward slash Ellis. That’s CoolCatTeacher.com forward slash Ellis, and it’s free.

Vicki Davis (13:15): Thanks for tuning in to the 10 Minute Teacher Podcast. Watch the video version of this podcast and catch my new radio and TV show, Cool Cat Teacher Talk, on YouTube and a radio or TV station near you. Join my Cool Cat Teacher Classroom Matters newsletter at CoolCatTeacher.com forward slash newsletter. Leave a review if you found this helpful. See you later, educator.

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a sponsored episode and blog post. Ellis, a program of Children’s Health Council, has compensated me to share information about Ellis. However, all opinions expressed are my own. I have personally reviewed these resources and only recommend tools I believe offer genuine value to classroom teachers. My endorsement is limited to the educational products and services discussed in this episode. This post also includes some affiliate links to books; if you choose to buy, I will be paid a commission on the affiliate program, at no additional cost to you. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” The sponsor has no impact on the editorial content of this show.

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Saturday, August 15, 2026

Leading With Love: Two National Principals of the Year on What Actually Works

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

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Love. Some people think “love” is an “iffy” word to use in schools. However, when I interviewed these two nationally recognized principals who have results and data showing they are excellent, and who also have the human skills, I think we should recognize that “love” can be a strong word when used wisely and well, which helps schools succeed. Love doesn’t mean don’t hold people accountable – quite the opposite!

Today, in part two of our series on leadership in Cool Cat Teacher Talk, we’ll learn what great principals do. I hope you’ll notice how they talk about their teachers, their students, and their day job. I recorded Amanda’s episode on her last day of school in Spring 2026 and she was just as excited and planning to move forward. We’ll talk about reducing office referrals (and improving discipline at the same time), an effective cell phone program, and increasing results for students who often struggle and are left behind.

Amanda Jamerson is associate principal at Shorewood High School in Wisconsin and the 2026 National High School Assistant Principal of the Year. Sonia Ruiz is principal of Jane Addams Middle School in Bolingbrook, Illinois, and the 2026 National Middle Level Principal of the Year. Let’s learn from Amanda and Sonia!

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Transcript for the Show

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This transcript was generated using AI and has been reviewed by humans for accuracy. Minor errors or artifacts may remain but I worked my best to find any issues with the transcript as I reviewed the show. – Vicki

Vicki Davis (00:00): Cool Cat Teacher Talk, leading with love, our leadership series part two.

Announcer (00:08): Ever wondered how remarkable teaching happens? Find out right now at Cool Cat Teacher Talk with award-winning teacher Vicki Davis. Get insights from top educators, tech tips, and inspiration to elevate your teaching.

Vicki Davis (00:21): Booker T. Washington said something about leadership. He said most leaders spend their time trying to get other people to think highly of them when what they should be doing is getting their people to think more highly of themselves. Think about that. It's not about others looking up at you as the leader. It's about others standing taller because you're in the room, helping them see the beauty in themselves. Last time on part one, we talked about who you're becoming as a leader. The idea that we decide who we want to be before we decide what we want to do. Today, we've got two women who lead with love. And before you decide that love is a soft word in that sentence, let me tell you, it's the hardest, most disciplined thing on this show.

Vicki Davis (01:07): Because both of my guests were named a 2026 National Principal of the Year, not because they were nice, but for results and for the numbers, but also for how they worked with the humans in the building. And when you ask them how they did it, they both say the same word, love. This is part two of our leadership series. It's leading with love. If you missed part one with Ronn Nozoe and Muriel Summers, go back and get it. It's the who you're becoming half. And this one is about how you live it out. Today, we're in the hallways at the rolling desk and in the hard conversation. So let's get started. Amanda Jamerson, she goes by AP, and online, she's AJAM the Advocate, is the associate principal at Shorewood High School in Wisconsin.

Vicki Davis (01:53): And she's the 2026 National High School Assistant Principal of the Year. Let's learn from Amanda.

Announcer (02:00): Cool Cat Teacher Talk, with award-winning teacher Vicki Davis.

Vicki Davis (02:04): Today we're talking with Amanda Jamerson, also known as AP Jamerson and known online as AJAM the Advocate. Now, today I will be calling her AJAM because that's her online presence, but a lot of the people around her call her AP, so you may hear both. She is an associate principal at Shorewood High School and the 2026 National High School Assistant Principal of the Year. She and her team built a restorative discipline framework that cut office referrals by 69% and a cell phone policy that actually worked. And she calls it heart work. Let's hear how she and her team did it. First of all, AJAM, why do you call this heart work?

Amanda J. Jamerson (02:56): First, thank you, Vicki, for having me. Super excited to have the opportunity to share about some of the amazing work happening in Shorewood School District. But more importantly, just the amazing work our students are doing, because it's our students who are doing the work and our staff who are doing it. And so that is why I say heart work because every day, you are not going to feel it. You're not going to feel excited. I know that it doesn't always feel good, but if you can go home every night knowing you've made a difference in your heart, that is what matters. I lead with my heart and my students know that. They know I'm always going to share that with them.

Amanda J. Jamerson (03:30): Like, hey, you could always talk to me. My door is always open. I don't sit in my office. I actually sit, if I am sitting in the main office, it's in the conference room or I have my rolling desk just so that students see me and they know that they can always talk to me about anything.

Vicki Davis (03:44): This is a big trend. The rolling desk. Explain what the rolling desk is.

Amanda J. Jamerson (03:49): So the rolling desk just allows me to be out more with students. And so we have a unique campus. So we actually have like five different buildings on our campus that classrooms are in. So it's kind of like a setup, like a college campus. And so what happens is I will roll and I'll get on the elevator, go up and down the floors and the different buildings just for kids to see me. But it's also like if I'm doing observations, I have all my things and I just can pop in. It doesn't feel weird for students to see me with that. It's actually funny because when we were introducing the cell phone policy that first year, students would see me collecting.

Amanda J. Jamerson (04:21): I have a little bag that I carry on my Roland desk and they'd be like, how many did you get today? Did you get 20? Because it became a cooler thing for them to see how many phones I was collecting because they knew that they were like, oh, my phone's in the caddy. That is like one of my favorite things about this, kids will just say, they'll even say the most random things to me, just like, oh, like, I have a fun fact for you. It is just because I'm just rolling in the hallway. And so I absolutely love the ability to do that. And just being present, because it again, reinforces hard work, where kids know like, okay, Ms.

Amanda J. Jamerson (04:52): Jamerson truly cares. And so like, even if I see them like doing something, I'll just give them my eye and I'll just look. And then they're like. Okay, I'll go.

Vicki Davis (05:00): So you have a cell phone policy that actually worked. And like you said, you're in five different buildings at my school. The kids have them up in their lockers, but you wanted them to have their phones going between the buildings. To describe your policy, How you made it work and any improvements since you did it?

Amanda J. Jamerson (05:15): We are seeing students talk to one another. We're seeing them actually engage, which to me is amazing in a high school. Especially having the different buildings, being able to walk into a classroom and seeing students actually talking to one another, even during an advisory timeframe where it's kind of relaxed. They're not just on their cell phones or on their devices. They're engaging with their peers, which is phenomenal across the board. But I would say what has made it work is our staff. Our staff and our community having that buy-in. We made sure that we involved stakeholders when we were creating the cell phone policy.

Amanda J. Jamerson (05:47): We knew it was a need because our staff kept letting us know, myself and my principal, they made it very clear like, hey, cell phones are an issue. And so we wanted a policy that would reinforce the expectation, but we also thought about safety. We do have the different buildings. And so what happens if a kid just is only able to keep it in their locker, their locker is in building B and they are in building C. So we've got about all of the complexities as it relates to that. And so we have cell phone caddies. They see their cell phone. They can look and see, OK, my cell phone is right here. You know, I have to put it in.

Amanda J. Jamerson (06:19): Teachers are able to check that off. Some teachers, they use that as their way to take attendance so students know, hey, I put my cell phone in the caddy, take a seat, and then the teacher is looking at the caddy as they're taking attendance. So they're making sure all the cell phones are up. The buy-in from staff was, it was pretty easy because staff wanted this. Parents actually, one of the feedback early on that we got was parents were like, well, what if I need to talk to my student during the day? Because I'm not. Anyone in education knows, especially in high school, parents do reach out to their students a lot during the school day.

Amanda J. Jamerson (06:52): And so we were like, hey, we'll have a phone in the main office. If you call and say you need them to give you a call, we'll get them from class. They can make that call. Go back to class. And that has not created any issues. Students are just coming down. They'll say, hey, I got to use the phone. I'll call my mom and go back to class. So that's been great.

Vicki Davis (07:10): And that's the way we did it for years, right?

Amanda J. Jamerson (07:13): Yes. And I was like, when I was a kid, I had to go to the main office to call home if I needed to call home for something. So we're just going back to that. But I think to students seeing that it's an expectation, every classroom has been key. So it's really reinforcing that to staff. And so when we wrote this out to staff, we wanted to make sure staff fully understood it. And so we did some different activities where we actually had to annotate the cell phone policy as it was written. And then we shared out different, like what we took from it as a staff. And they were in small groups. And then we did this as a large group to just share out and really discuss, okay, well, let's talk about this scenario.

Amanda J. Jamerson (07:48): What if this happens in my classroom? So now we're at the stage where students, if they forget or something happens, teachers will take it. They'll say, hey, it'll be in the main office. Kids know it'll be in the main office until the end of the day. Our families are amazing with the cell phone policy. Parents have like told me, I'm like, oh, they have to leave their cell phone with me. And the main office parents are like, you know what, Ms. Jamerson, you just won't bring it to school today because you shouldn't even have to do that. And I'm like, thank you. So we are seeing a lot of buy-in because parents know that we're holding all students accountable.

Amanda J. Jamerson (08:21): And so they want to make sure that their child is following that expectation. So it's been amazing.

Vicki Davis (08:26): You've also done some really awesome things with your discipline practices. So describe what you all have done and how does discipline look at your school and what changed?

Amanda J. Jamerson (08:39): This is ending my fifth year. And so in coming to Shorewood, one of the things I noticed right away, there were some wandering students. So students will wander in the hallways. So we revamped the attendance policy to make sure we have students in the classroom. And as soon as that occurred, I started to see a spike in our ODRs (office discipline referrals). And I knew what it was because most students who were typically wandering or leaving campus because it's open campus, they weren't in the classroom. Now that they were in the classroom, we were having some issues as it relates to behavior. So what I started to do in just preliminary things is talking to students.

Amanda J. Jamerson (09:13): So if a student got an ODR, so office discipline referral, I'd say, hey, did you realize that this was behavior infraction? Did you realize this is a code of conduct violation? Majority of the students who I talked to were like, I had no clue. And I was like, OK, that was the first entry into, OK, we're not we're not really teaching expectations or what behavior looks like or what even is a code of conduct violation. So one of the first things, like my secretary and I work together on this, is we give students assignment notebooks. So we were like, hey, let's just plop that in there. Let's make sure it's front and center so students are able to look at it.

Amanda J. Jamerson (09:48): And then we refer back to it when we do our class meetings as school-wide assemblies. And so that was just the catalyst so that kids even knew expectations. Because I am a big believer in if we've never taught something explicitly or we've never shared something explicitly, how do we expect for people to follow? And that's even just even my teachers like if I've never shown you how to do this or the why behind it I don't expect you to just. Fall in line and say okay we're going to do this and so that's one of those things that was really great to see but then also in talking to staff I wanted to understand why certain behaviors were accepted in classrooms and why certain ones weren't and so relationship was big so if a teacher had a relationship with a student they did have the ability to redirect a kid without it.

Amanda J. Jamerson (10:31): Or without them getting overwhelmed with the redirection because they're like, oh, I have this relationship with the student already established. Right away, I'm like, OK, well, we need to make sure this is more restorative. And so looking at all of the different pieces of feedback that I gathered from survey data to what are you seeing when I do parent reinstatement meetings. And that's still something that was done prior to the new policy for restorative, our restorative actions framework. And so, and even talking to parents, parents sharing, hey, I never even received a call from the teacher. I didn't know this was an issue in their classroom.

Amanda J. Jamerson (11:05): And then it came to the main office. Really being explicit in my expectations about, hey, we're going to call home. We're going to email home. We're going to make sure we do all of these proactive steps to make sure we're engaging our families and our community so that they understand what's happening in the classroom. And so what I love the most about it is there's a reteaching that occurs with the student and the teacher. And there's that small bit of time where the teacher and the student can work together and discuss what occurred and how there was harm in the classroom and look at moving forward together, which does not involve administration.

Amanda J. Jamerson (11:40): And so the kids just being sent to the AP students stay in the classroom. Teachers will say, hey, I want to talk to you after class or come see me at lunch. And they're able to have that conversation. And they're like, hey, I don't want this to have to go to administration. So kids feel validated in that because they feel like their teacher is actually taking the time to talk to them versus just saying, hey, go to administration. So we have like four levels. And then the fifth level is if this is like a reoccurring behavior, there is a ODR process because with all of the amazing things, things still happen. And so I'm a realist when it comes to that.

Amanda J. Jamerson (12:14): And so I always want to make sure I'm honest about that with staff. I'm not expecting any referrals to never be completed. I expect that we are going to get those. And so staff know that. And I want to know because I want to know about what's happening in the classroom. The end of the school year, a couple of weeks ago when I looked, we were at maybe 45 at most office discipline referrals. And so I just think about being in the 200, almost 300 to where we are now. It's really… Students are aware of expectations, but they're also a part of like, hey, why do we have this policy? Why is this in place? And so that, I think, is another layer that we have because, I still did all this work and it was great.

Amanda J. Jamerson (12:52): But then I noticed we saw some reoccurring students that were popping up. So I was like, okay, the student was already suspended or the student got an ODR in this class for this behavior. Another area that we added is we have the peer re-statement meeting, but we also now added a restorative action. So it's like a restorative reflection, essentially. And a student, when they are suspended, I look at whatever their code of conduct violation is, I look at the ODR, and then I work to create a reflection for them. So they have to literally sit down, complete this before they return to school. So we talk about that during the parent re-statement meeting with their parent present.

Amanda J. Jamerson (13:28): And it's a shared document between myself and the student. We talk about who did they cause harm to, who do they need to talk to, and how do they repair that harm. What I can truly say is we've had some more uncomfortable topics that I've had to work through with students. What I can say is the learning that they've received from that and what they understand now and just how their words and how they can be harmful to certain groups of people has been really amazing to see, just students being able to be like, wow. I knew this was wrong to say, but I never knew why it was wrong to say. Now I understand why this is so horrible to say.

Amanda J. Jamerson (14:01): And that to me is the real work. So that's why I say it's hard work, because that to me is a character. We've changed character for that. That student is now going to always think about, okay, wait, this could be harmful. This could really cause harm to someone. And because they're high schoolers, everything is funny. Everything is funny until it causes harm. So that is where I'm really working together and getting feedback. I'm all about like, hey, let's revamp it. Like, hey, you want to change this? Let's do this. And explicitly another thing to add is on the process for teachers that they have, the document they have, it actually gives them verbatim, wording they can use because we all know when those feelings are high and things are happening and you're frustrated, like, you know what?

Amanda J. Jamerson (14:43): I don't know how to say this and how it's going to come across. And so I wanted to explicitly give them language because that's something teachers share is like, hey, when I'm really elevated and I feel like this student is not listening, I might just say like, you know what, I'm done with this today. Instead of saying I'm done with this, you can look at this document and it's in all of the classrooms and they can literally just read off of it and say what they need to say to a student. And it's aligned to our restorative actions framework. so that students, again, it's more restorative. It is not further putting them in silos where they feel as if, oh, I'm part of this group that's always in trouble.

Amanda J. Jamerson (15:21): It's been amazing to see.

Vicki Davis (15:22): So AJAM, you're on social media and you see all of the stuff that's there about restorative practices put in schools and it doesn't work. I know we're not going to criticize anyone's school or anyone's situation, but why do you think in general that schools are getting wrong, that are struggling with restorative practices. Because you see it, a teacher sends a kid out and they come back with a lollipop going, oh man, I got some candy. I don't think that's what restorative is about, is it?

Amanda J. Jamerson (15:51): No, no, not at all. I think what a lot of times is the hustle and bustle of education. We are always moving. We are always shifting with different priorities and different things that are of need. And so I think sometimes what happens is You learn something in August And then September is okay You get a few things But it's okay October You're like Oh the honeymoon is over. And everything you've learned, you kind of are like, okay, I don't remember it anymore. So it's really reinforcing that for staff and then also reinforcing that for students. Always going back to that, but also truly understanding explicitly what this means, how it looks, sounds, and feels.

Amanda J. Jamerson (16:26): And I'm big on that with staff is, okay, let's stop now. Let's now let's role play. Let's look at this together. Let's look at some different scenarios. How would this scenario play out in your classroom? Because the more that we use real life scenarios, we're able to then practice those in real time and internalize them where it becomes like, and I know it's different for everyone because there are some that I have to be like, hey, just a reminder, like, you know, follow this. But one thing I always say, and my supervisor is the same way, we're always, when we have our staff meetings, we're like, hey, looked in the contact log, making sure you're contacting home because staff know, and this is my thing.

Amanda J. Jamerson (17:04): If I look in the contact log, if you send me an ODR for a student and I look in the contact log and I've not seen that you've contacted home, then I'm not going to do anything with that ODR because we have to follow and do our steps as the adults, as the lead learners in the space. We have to follow that because if we're not doing that, then how do we expect our students to? I have an amazing staff who are totally behind it. We have even started to look at our behavior intervention plans for students and looking at them from a restorative lens and how we have our restorative actions framework set up and just making sure we're mirroring some of those things.

Amanda J. Jamerson (17:39): So what does that look like, sound like, feel like for a student? So if a student does this, what is the staff's reaction in real time? What are we giving them? So I think what happens is the learning stops sometimes. It's like I learned this, I had this one great PD about restorative practices and all of these things and then it goes away. I also know. If administration is not following the same steps every single time, then it does create those inequities. So staff sometimes can feel, well, if you aren't doing this, then why do I have to do it? I'm big on communication with staff, so I'll follow up just a quick email.

Amanda J. Jamerson (18:12): Hey, just an FYI, I know this is an issue in your class. I talk to the student. These are my next steps. So staff know in real time what I'm also doing. I've done more this year, actually, than I've ever done. It's like lunch detention. We have open campus lunch, so students love to leave. I'm like, hey, well, you know what? I think this is causing an issue. How about you do detention with me? Like lunch detention. And the amount of kids who do not want a lunch detention, I'm amazed. Like, they're like, I mean, I got to do lunch attention. And I literally see them once for lunch attention, never again. And so what I've found is like, that's a great time because I'm keeping them in, they're not leaving out.

Amanda J. Jamerson (18:50): And so sometimes even if they like, hey, you didn't finish this test you needed. I'm like, you know what, since you're already in here, you might as well just do it with me. You might as well just do the test. It also creates an opportunity for me to just build that relationship with that student for them to see, hey, I'm not suspending you from school, which, you know, some instances I could, I'm like, hey, how about you just do this lunch attention or going back to our cell phone policy, I will just take your phone. I'll keep your phone for two days. They get it at the end of the school day, but it's like they return it back at 8 a.m.

Amanda J. Jamerson (19:24): the next morning. And what I can say is our student body does amazing with that. And I love it because it reinforces that they are following expectations. Even one student, I was like, I'm going to take your cell phone. He was like, that's fair, Ms. Chamberson. I understand. Okay, that's fair. To hear that from a high school mom, he was like, that's fair. I understand. Just the fact that students are able to have those conversations are now just becoming amazing for us as a building. AJAM,

Vicki Davis (19:50): I find it amazing that you can be positive and upbeat on the last day of school. Yeah,

Amanda J. Jamerson (19:55): I'm excited. We're ending out and we have graduation on Sunday, so that's always fun for me. I love the energy that we're going to see with our community and students. When we conclude, I'll be practicing names because I read all the names. So I'll be going to make sure I'm ready for that. But yes, keeping the energy high is important. We have to, but it's also recharging.

Vicki Davis (20:16): Wonderful. So we've been talking with Amanda Jamerson, AP Jamerson, known online as AJAM, the advocate. She's associate principal at Shorewood High School and 2026 National High School Assistant Principal of the Year. So AJAM, congratulations and thanks for sharing all this on the show.

Amanda J. Jamerson (20:40): Thank you so much. I appreciate the opportunity.

Announcer (20:43): Cool Cat Teacher Talk, with award-winning teacher Vicki Davis.

Vicki Davis (20:47): So here's the line from Amanda that I want to pull from that interview. If we've never taught something explicitly, how do we expect people to follow it? Even our teachers. She said if a teacher sends her a discipline referral but hasn't called the students home yet, she doesn't act on it. Because adults follow the steps first. We're the lead learners, she said. But if we won't do the thing we're asking of them, we've got no business asking. So that's leadership as a mirror. You go first, you do the hard, unglamorous, do-it-yourself work before you ask somebody else. And that heart, that I'll do it first and I'll do it for you, is exactly how our next guest leads a middle school.

Vicki Davis (21:34): She just says it in two languages. Sonia Ruiz is the 2026 National Middle Level Principal of the Year. She leads Jane Addams Middle School in Bolingbrook, Illinois. She was recognized because her English learners and her students with IEPs (Individualized Education Programs) are making real measurable gains. And her school has earned exemplary status three years running. When you ask Sonia her secret, she says it plainly, con corazón, with heart. That's how she leads. And she'll tell you why it's personal. Today we are talking with Sonia Ruiz, the 2026 National Middle Level Principal of the Year in the United States. Sonia leads Jane Addams Middle School in Bolingbrook, Illinois, recognized in part because her English learners and her students with IEPs are making real, measurable gains.

Vicki Davis (22:25): She will tell you straight up why we've got to do it with love. Sonia, congratulations for being named the 2026 National Middle Level Principal of the Year. Could you describe what went through your mind?

Sonia E. Ruiz (22:39): I was named in person. I have one for my state, for Illinois, so I knew going out there I was getting an award for that. In February, I was asked to be part of a webinar similar to this, but it was a panel. That is when I was informed that I was one of three finalists in Washington. I was not prepared to hear that I was going to be the winner of 2026. It was pretty exciting, humbling. I just never imagined that a kid like me, where I never felt like the system was made for me, that I would be here now as the winner.

Vicki Davis (23:11): You are four years into Jane Addams. When you walked in that first year, what did the school feel like and what's different now?

Sonia E. Ruiz (23:19): This school has always had a history of excellence. It is a very diverse school and a community that is very diverse. I remember coming to the interview and after meeting the staff feeling like whoever gets that principalship is going to have a great place to work at. So I'm going to tell you, there were some things already that were in place that made it great. And the people are one of them. So I was excited to be here. This school in this district, their values match mine. And sometimes that's difficult to find. We were coming out of COVID a couple years when I started here. So there were some things we needed to change.

Sonia E. Ruiz (23:56): The demographics of our students has continually changed. And that's the thing with education. You have to make sure that everybody in the building is meeting the needs of the students that you have now. So you might have been doing something that worked fantastic a couple years ago with the students you had before. You have to continually see where do I need to do or sharpen my skills to make sure that I'm helping the students that are here now. Big thing for us was making sure students felt like they belong, that they were seen, heard. With everything that happened after COVID, that was one of the initiatives that we had.

Sonia E. Ruiz (24:32): So most school improvement plans actually just have math and reading. For us, it was important to not just have the academic and learning portion, but also the environment and the equitable practices that we were having in the building. So that's where we started, because if we don't have the mindset that all of our students can grow, then we're going to have a lot of time. It's hard for them. And if our kids don't feel like they belong here, then it's going to be difficult for them as well. So we wanted to make sure that kids from the minute they walked in knew that the people that were here are here because we care for them.

Sonia E. Ruiz (25:09): And in that same vein, it isn't just about emotions, right? So it's also making sure that we have a high quality education for the students that come here. And then we have high expectations for them because I know that they can do it. So those were some of the things that I think made a difference. This last year, but really, I think the work that we've done moves beyond just CERN students. Part of it, like I said, was the belonging, making sure we were here, creating an MTSS (Multi-Tiered System of Supports) system to ensure that we had the intervention students need or support if we're not getting it at universal level one. So we've just seen so much growth within our system, our staff and the interventions that we provide.

Sonia E. Ruiz (25:50): So it's been fantastic to be able to look back at all the things that we've been able to do in the last four years. And even with that mindset, so like, OK, so what are we going to do even better next year?

Vicki Davis (26:02): When you say we've got to do it with love, what does that look like?

Sonia E. Ruiz (26:06): The best way that I can say it is I'm a mom myself. Right. And when you send your children to a school, you want to make sure that the people that are there care for your kids. So I care for every student that walks in our building. I care for who they are right now, and I care for who they're going to be in the future. In Spanish, there is a term that says, like with heart. And that's really what that kind of means.

Vicki Davis (26:29): I love that. So when you stand up in front of your new teachers that you hire for next year, and you try to bring them on board with what your culture is going to look like, what do you say first?

Sonia E. Ruiz (26:41): Well, I do this even at our every institute just because our kids, They don't get a choice what school they go to. The students that come in through that door, it's because we're in this neighborhood. So they get to come to us. We're here to service them. So regardless of their background, how they look, what languages they speak, we got to make sure that we make a place and make it a place where people feel like they belong, but also care enough to stay with the things that we know work and that we're making sure students are learning and providing our staff with the strategies they need to make sure that they're the best educators that they can be.

Sonia E. Ruiz (27:18): Wherever in between, if there are students who need additional help or things of that nature, then we're here to do that. Our school, you know, when I said it's very diverse, it's also diverse in the programs that we have within our schools. We have students with different abilities. We have a program. We're five middle schools in our district. We're the only district that has like students with multiple abilities where they may have like wheelchairs or they may have like Down syndrome, things of that nature. So that program has continually grown since I've been here. This next upcoming year, we're going to have six classrooms of multi-need students at the middle level.

Sonia E. Ruiz (27:56): I think one thing that I'm really proud of what our staff and our students do is making sure that our school is inclusive of everybody. So if I was talking to new teachers or our staff, it's to look at our system and say, hey, When we make this decision, who is it affecting? What's the impact? Even little things people may think are little, but to us, we've seen that it make a difference. Like an assembly. What are the games they're playing? Will there be opportunities for our different students of different abilities to play? You know, where is everybody seated? Who's seated within? That's what kind of looking at inclusivity.

Sonia E. Ruiz (28:32): If we're having an after school dance, if we have a dance, is that open to everybody? Does everybody like noise, right? Some don't. So with the dance, we might also have our library open where kids can go and play board games for those that don't want to be around the music, but still want the social aspect of it. So just different ways that you can look at your daily practices and seeing, are we being inclusive within our building so that it is a place for everybody? So it's really looking at all different things. The other thing that we did that I think that we, you know, when we finished off the year, our last day was the 22nd.

Sonia E. Ruiz (29:08): Four years ago when we started, a lot of times schools give different surveys to see what the culture is like. But many of those are like Likert scale. So like you either agree, disagree, those types. You don't really get the information of when those kids say, no, I don't think this is a great place. So I don't feel like I belong. What does that mean? Right. We created our own form that we've been giving the last four years to get their voice. And it's what things make you feel like they belong, right? And like list them out so that they can put them there. And if there was one thing you wish people in this building knew about you, what would that be?

Sonia E. Ruiz (29:45): And you'd be amazed how much they share through that. And then it gives us an opportunity to know, are the things that we're saying we should be doing, are those the things we should be investing since that makes a difference for the kids or not, you know? So that's another way of making sure that we're being open and changing things through student voice.

Vicki Davis (30:05): I love that because you say these are small things, but these are actually huge things. If somebody doesn't want to be around the music, they're going to have to choose between being around people. Who are in the presence of music or not. So you're giving them a space and you're including them. I mean, that's actually a huge deal to consider how can we include our students. Now, you are known for your gains with English learners and students with IEPs. Like you have national attention. When you look at your numbers, what do you see without using their name? Tell me about some of the kids that are in your mind of like, okay, this is what my amazing teachers did to try to reach kids, and this is what it looks like on a daily basis.

Sonia E. Ruiz (30:50): So exemplary in our state measures many things, the proficiency in ELA (English Language Arts), in math, but also the growth of when students come here. So one of the things that we've been able to show is regardless of what level our students start in sixth grade. By the time they leave in eighth grade, we were at 80-something percent proficiency, which is unbelievable.

Vicki Davis (31:14): Wow. Regardless

Sonia E. Ruiz (31:15): of where they started. So we know that when they're here, they're going to grow. But we also know we can't do it alone. It takes everybody. It takes every staff member. It takes all our counselors. It takes every single person to do specific things. This last year, yes, our focus was EL and our students with IEPs. And we were very strategic. We partnered up with our district office and they came and gave PD along with our coach. To our staff when we were have our monthly meetings. So we would not just teach them, but actually go through the strategy with them. Then go, part of me and my assistant principal is we're visible in the classrooms.

Sonia E. Ruiz (31:54): So then we would go and do learning walks based on the things we said, hey, we just learned this strategy. We want to see, are we seeing, for example, academic discourse in the classrooms? Are those things happening? Then we would give our entire instructional team, our BIT team, would come together after a semester and look at, well, we're really good at this, but we still need to get better at this. It's like a continuous cycle of improvement. What are we doing? How is it working? So when I think about students, it's hard to say like this one kid because it's so overall. I can think of our students have been affected for like our MTSS, where we had one student that just graduated.

Sonia E. Ruiz (32:35): When he was here, He was chronically absent when he started in sixth grade. I remember him being with our counselor and we had to basically create these systems to just try to get him to class that sixth grade year. And by eighth grade, because of the interventions, because he did need additional help in reading, he needed additional help in math, he was getting that intervention within the school day. Along with what we call a lead advisory. So we had advisories, this particular one took students who also had behavior issues and really turned the mindset of like them taking ownership for their goals and what they were going to do for school and their academics and their behaviors at school and started giving them the skills to become mentors to the younger generation.

Sonia E. Ruiz (33:22): That particular student graduated and he was no longer chronically absent. He was passing his classes. He was being successful. It isn't a one thing because I think of all the different things that different teachers did to help him throughout. Right. So his last ELA and ESL and special education teacher, I remember going in because he was super proud of me coming to hear him read. And they were kind of doing reading, but in a theater style format where you take one of the characters and you're reading those parts. When he first started reading in that class, he took like the shorter passages. By the end, he was presenting on things, you know, and that's what we want to see.

Sonia E. Ruiz (34:02): It's like, so regardless of where they are, we know they're going to grow with us. And I think that that motivates us as well because we know something's happening.

Vicki Davis (34:12): So, Sonia, if you could go back to Sonia's first day. And give her advice, what would you tell her?

Sonia E. Ruiz (34:22): I would tell her, don't waver. Continue and persevere. The things that you think are going to be great are going to be great. So just keep working with that.

Vicki Davis (34:32): You know, isn't it difficult when you come into a new school? Why do you think that you had success so quickly? Was it just the school was already great and you came in, but you know, there's principals who go into schools that are already great and it ends up tough. So what are the things that you do on a daily basis that you think, hey, I do think this makes a difference?

Sonia E. Ruiz (34:51): I think it's a combination of things. I think it's important to be somewhere, again, where your ideals do match the school that you're at, right? And second, I think it's my approach. I am a very collaborative type of leader, the same way that I feel that students need to get a new chance every day. Every day is a new opportunity for them. I have that same type of mentality with my staff. Every day is a new day. And if you maybe missed it one day, we're going to do better the next day. I think we have to support each other and believe in each other because it would be hard to move an entire staff or students if you're coming in with an attitude already defeated or being negative about the work.

Sonia E. Ruiz (35:31): So as a leader anywhere, you need to come believing that the people that you have are the right people in the right spots to make the change they need to. And if they're not, then what are you doing to help them? I think it still falls on you as a leader, but you can't do this job alone. So I can't just make decisions by myself. I also have to value because of the school and what they were doing really well. Many of the things that we started knew We first analyze and assess. It wasn't like, oh, you're doing this wrong. Let's just change it. It would be like, what are we doing as an empty assessor when we first started?

Sonia E. Ruiz (36:07): And there were little things that they were doing as a school, but we used a rubric and that takes it away from the people, right? Because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings about anything if they were used to doing something. You also, again, want to change with the times and the students that you have. So being open to those changes. As a team, we came up with our own vision and mission. And then that led the work, right? So that it was making sure that we were Equipping the staff with the things that they needed to do. And the staff is our human resource. So we were providing interventions. Some of them started learning how to do circles or how to run things so that it wasn't just our counselors, so that we could be more effective and provide more things.

Sonia E. Ruiz (36:51): That's just one example. We do check and connect. Then finding the strengths of different people, because there's many leaders within the school, but I think together we come together and make it even better. A good leader is like a coach where you see where those all the different pieces are and how do we use everybody's strengths at the right spot. And it isn't about ego because we do have certain people like our coaches or interventionists who are running certain meetings and that's their strength because that's what they're seeing. And it's okay to come in and be a participant of the group and not the one guiding it, you know.

Sonia E. Ruiz (37:27): Obviously offering some input on certain things, but those are the things that I think make people follow the leader because then they feel like, okay, she's open to ideas. She's able to hear us. And then I also have this mentality. I tell the staff like, okay, we just try that. So how do we do this better next year? And again, because we have to continue to grow and every year is different. This year, for example, we had many students who were newcomers or were Spanish speaking was their first language. Normally, we have students who need that program. They go to a different school, even though we're at home school.

Sonia E. Ruiz (38:02): Parents still have the choice if they wanna stay in their home school, which some have. Because although that program is another school, the principals and administration did not speak the language. Some parents within the community talk and then they'll be like, oh, I want her in your program. It'll be like, well, I speak Spanish, but my staff does not. But again, I think it's partnering with our district office. We still were able to provide our students with different supports than normally we were not doing before, but because they were different students. So they provided us with iPads that translated the material and did different things.

Sonia E. Ruiz (38:39): And one particular student I'm thinking of, as you mentioned, I just can't believe her growth from when she started last summer to this year. And she's only been here one year. And I think that's what makes it great. And then just reminding people of that, because we forget sometimes when things are hard, right? So then it's like, no, look, that kid grew this much. Remember when they were in sixth grade? Look at where they are now.

Vicki Davis (39:04): That's wonderful. I love celebrating those wins. Sonia, could you give us one thing, like one small little doable thing that a teacher or principal could do if they were in school tomorrow morning to make one more kid feel like they belonged in that classroom?

Sonia E. Ruiz (39:20): I think the number one thing is stopping and really finding out about that student, like have a conversation with them. Some of the kids in that Google form that we've asked, when we ask what makes you feel like they belong, is They asked me beyond what's going on in school. They asked me about things outside of here. And I think they noticed that and they call me by name because you're just not another face. They know that you've taken the time to get to know them, who they are, and what they do outside of school also matters. So then you start feeling like a regular person, right? Like when you say I belong here, you're really saying me, Sonia, not some other student.

Sonia E. Ruiz (40:00): So, taking the time to get to know the students by name and asking them questions beyond what's going on in school.

Vicki Davis (40:07): So, Sonia, you're leading a middle school in 2026. You have phones, you have AI, you have mental health. All of these things, these pressures that kids feel, they are very real. What is one thing that you wish… That adults outside of schools understood about what middle school teachers are actually walking into every day?

Sonia E. Ruiz (40:28): I'm going to say of all the different age groups, middle school is the hardest. Students who are in this age group are going from looking at the world through black and white lenses, right? This is what my parents say, or this is what my school says. There's no question about it. When you get to junior high, you get the part of your brain that starts now analyzing and questioning things. It is just part of that particular age group and the way your brain works at that time. So they're just figuring it out. So it's really hard to find your voice and advocate for yourself as a student because you're just finding out that now as I'm critically thinking, things aren't black and white.

Sonia E. Ruiz (41:09): There are other facets and I have to figure that out and navigate all that along with all the hormones that are coming and I may react a certain way when they hurt my feelings and social media doesn't help because things don't disappear there are many people putting their own opinion on what they think something occurred or assumptions which makes it even harder and although as adults we might think oh that's that's that's nothing to them, it's the whole world. So I think as an educator in the middle school level, you really have to learn how to navigate that through that, help students how to navigate through that, and be a support through them so they can get through that.

Sonia E. Ruiz (41:49): That's why it's amazing to see the growth from when they started sixth graders versus eighth grade, and then they're ready to go to high school because they're at a whole different level because they've been able to Adjust, find their voice, and interact with everybody else at this level.

Vicki Davis (42:06): What a delightful conversation. We've been talking with Sonia Ruiz, a 2026 National Middle Level Principal of the Year. Sonia, thanks for coming on the show and giving us kind of a glimpse into what you're doing at Jane Addams Middle School in Bolingbrook, Illinois. Thanks, Sonia.

Sonia E. Ruiz (42:25): Thank you so much. Have a great day. Full

Announcer (42:28): Cool Cat Teacher Talk, with award-winning teacher Vicki Davis.

Vicki Davis (42:32): The great leaders are like a coach. That leader can see where all the different pieces are, and they figure out how to use everybody's strengths. And the best leaders, it isn't about ego. Sonia said that. Ron, in part one of this series, called leadership a we thing. And Muriel said every child and every grown-up has genius. Amanda calls her whole practice heart work. And Sonia leads con corazón with heart. Three leaders in three different buildings, but one word, love. So I'd like to tell you some stories before we finish today's episode, because stories is how we process, like, what does this look like to be a leader?

Vicki Davis (43:12): So we've talked about a lot of data on this show, office referrals being down 70%, proficiency numbers up into the 80s, exemplary status three years running. And data is awesome. I teach computer science, but even when we talk data, we're still talking about humans. Every number in a spreadsheet at your school has a name and a face in a backpack. And even when we talk tools, and you know I love tools, ultimately, it's always about humans. I believe the educators and the leaders who are going to be excellent in the years ahead are the ones who understand this. Tools are useful. Humans are priceless. So let's talk about what this looks like.

Vicki Davis (43:54): Years ago, my son John came home on the first day of school, and he just lit up about one of his teachers. He was like, she's really interesting. I'm going to love her class. So me being the teacher I am, I said, hey, what did she do? And I thought she must have given some amazing lecture on literature. No, she had the students draw a coat of arms for themselves on poster paper about what mattered to them, divided into different areas. So one might be about a hobby and one might be about something else. In one of those squares, John drew Minecraft because at the time in his life, Minecraft mattered to him. When she stopped at his desk, she talked with him about that.

Vicki Davis (44:37): Minecraft had his heart. Miss Shealy ended up with his heart because she talked to him about something he loved. He felt seen and he had a connection and he walked in the door talking about it. But here's what I've noticed. Kids rarely change the opinion they form on the first day of school. I know that if I can connect with a student early, preferably on that first day, and know them and see them and learn what they love, it makes all the difference for the whole year. This is why, if at all possible, the kids shouldn't miss that first day, because so many teachers are really trying to get to know the students. Research backs this up.

Vicki Davis (45:19): Psychologist Roy Baumeister reviewed the studies on belongingness, and he found that many of the strongest emotions we feel, both positive and negative, are influenced by how connected we are to the other people in that environment. So here's what he wrote, that people need, quote, frequent positive interactions with the same individual, and they need those interactions in a framework of long-term stable caring and concern. Okay, this goes every different direction, whether it's your colleague or your principal or your other teachers. Frequent positive interactions. Long-term stable caring and concern. That is the classroom.

Vicki Davis (45:59): That's our job description. But that's also with the leaders. And I think about when I really struggled with my principal or my boss. You know, we have to manage up. There's books on that. And part of that is what is my interaction with them like? Am I actually going to them and saying positive things that happen? Or I don't want to always be down when I'm talking to my leaders. But connection isn't only built on the first day. A lot of times, strongest connection is built on the hardest days. Let me give you an example. When I find out that there's a new baby at a student's house, I ask that student a question. What can I do for you about what we're doing this week in class?

Vicki Davis (46:43): Because I know the parents may be the ones up at 2 a.m. holding the baby, but that sibling is in their bed down the hall listening to the baby cry, and nobody in that house is sleeping. Sometimes the student just says, okay, no, I'm tired and I'm not at my best. Sometimes they might say, Miss Davis, you know that big project at the end of the week? Could you give me a few more days? I am worn out. And as long as it isn't the end of the grading period, I try to give that. Because here's what happens. A student gets their rest and they come back better than ever. You know, we have concussion protocols, but even an injury or something really busy in sports or theater week, I give the students choices and say, hey, do you want to turn it in early or later?

Vicki Davis (47:32): And that flexibility lets my students know that they're being seen, they're feeling heard, they're being noticed. And when you have that connection with a student, you can see it in their eyes. But I have fallen short many times. Every so often, there's been a student I just did not connect with. Mostly, it's the student who's absent a lot. They miss those foundational moments that I build into the program and building at the start. And when they come back, it is a mistake for me to be so stressed about them making up their work that I don't slow down and get to know them. I remember one time a boy missed the first two weeks of school, and I know that was not a great start.

Vicki Davis (48:16): There was some things going on, but I just rushed him and he never felt connected. And his mom told me that. So I own that. And I've tried to learn through the years to be really careful about that first connection with my students and the parents. So my first priority is the human connection every day. I try to call that child by name when they come in. I look them in the eye. I notice if they're tired. I say, hey, you tired today? And they'll say, oh, I had a late game last night. That helps me. But they know that I see them. And then when I struggle, they see me. But you know, this is not just about students. This is about the grownups too.

Vicki Davis (48:58): Shawn Achor in The Happiness Advantage, which was my book of the year last year, I gave it to all the seniors that I taught. He points to a study of over 350 employees and 60 business units. And the greatest predictor of a team's achievement was not the individual skills of its members. It was about how the members felt about each other Google found the same thing when it spent two years studying its own teams. The best teams weren't the ones with the biggest brains in the room. They were the ones where everybody felt safe enough to speak up and everybody felt heard. Researchers who followed hundreds of Chicago schools for years found this pattern in the K-12 world too.

Vicki Davis (49:42): The schools that improve are the schools where the adults trust each other. So think about what Amanda told us. Her discipline framework works because the teacher and the student already have a relationship. And think about what Sonia said. She can't move a building alone, so she finds everybody's strengths and helps put them in the right spots. So this brings us to the 1980 hockey team for the U.S. Herb Brooks was building the U.S. Olympic hockey team to face a Soviet team that had dominated the sport for a generation. And when Brooks made his cuts, he passed over some big name talent. The story goes that his assistant questioned him about it.

Vicki Davis (50:23): And Brooks said, I'm not looking for the best players. I'm looking for the right ones. And a whole bunch of American college kids went to Lake Placid and beat the best team in the world. We call it the miracle on ice, but it wasn't magic. It was a coach who understood that the right humans who trust each other will beat the best resumes every single time. I can hear some of you driving right now going, Vicki, this sounds beautiful, but you don't know what happened to me. You don't know what was said about me. And no, I do not know. But I do know how trust gets broken between humans in every school building and home in America and around the world.

Vicki Davis (51:06): And there's one tool that can help repair it. So I need to tell you one of my favorite stories that I always tell my students and teachers from Will Rogers. So if you've heard of Will Rogers, he was a famous cowboy of yesteryear. And he once said, I never met a man I didn't like. And he was known for loving people. He was just friendly and really affable. But there's a story he told about something that happened on his ranch that has stuck with me all these years. Will Rogers had a large ranch and a lot of cows. Now, I have worked with cows on our farms, and I can tell you, cows can be really challenging, and it's always that one that just does not behave, and they get out.

Vicki Davis (51:49): I remember when I was pregnant with our oldest son, and I was chasing a cow across Highway 19. That was no fun, and it was scary, and I don't recommend it, okay? But Will Rogers had a cow get out, and even more than that, He found out that there was a farmer and he heard that his cow got over there. So he grabbed his favorite right-hand man and they got on their horses. They were riding out to where this farmer had the cow. And the bad weather starts coming in and they start seeing ice. Well, by the time they get there, there is a mom and two kids at the door. And it's really starting to turn bad. And the mom says, oh, come in, come in.

Vicki Davis (52:31): We're so glad you're here the weather's about to turn you're gonna have to stay overnight and he said yeah and the little kid said it's okay our dad has a cow and he's in the barn butchering the cow will's farmhand looked at him and like raised his eyebrows they knew who that cow belonged to so later the dad came in after the mom had told him they needed some more meat and had these beautiful steaks and they cooked it they had a great dinner the farmhand kept looking at will Rogers, thinking, you know what, he's going to say something, and he never did. So the next morning, they got up and drank their coffee, and they got ready to leave.

Vicki Davis (53:13): And they got on their horses, and they just left. Never said anything about the cow. Well, he and the ranch hand get a little away from the house, and it was really, really quiet, and the farm hand turned to Will Rogers and said, you know, that was your cow. And Will Rogers said, yep. The farmhand said, well, why didn't you say anything? And Will Rogers thought for a moment and he turned to the farmhand and said, you know what? The way I see it, I traded that cow for a little bit of happiness. Now, why am I telling you a story about a cow in a snowstorm in Will Rogers? There are times when you are right and you have been treated wrongly.

Vicki Davis (53:54): Somebody did the wrong thing. Somebody made the wrong decision. Somebody misjudged you. or they hurt you. And if you've been teaching at the same school for more than a year or really more than a month, I promise you that when you start the school year or even when you go back to school, you're gonna be starting with a cow that somebody killed of yours. It's not a real cow, but they've wronged you. And you have a choice. You can go after this person and you can hold them accountable and stay angry. Now, there are times for accountability and I'm not arguing against accountability. But in a big school, there's a lot of opportunity to get your feelings hurt.

Vicki Davis (54:37): And there are times where you have to choose to trade the cow for happiness. You can choose to forgive. You can choose to let go of the bitterness and the anger and the resentment. So here's what I've learned in my more than two decades in schools. When I am a bitter person, I can't get better. I can't innovate. I can't create. I'm so busy being angry about that cow that I can't let it go. I've always read that being angry and resentful is like drinking poison and wishing the other person would die. It doesn't work. You can't leave people with love while you're still carrying that cow. And a whole lot of forgiveness has to happen in classrooms.

Vicki Davis (55:19): So let's circle back. Booker T. Washington said most leaders spend their time trying to get other people to think highly of them. When what they should be doing is getting their people to think more highly of themselves. Muriel put that sign over the doorway, you're seen, you're known, you're loved. Amanda calls it heart work. Sonia leads Corazon. This week, you and I get to decide whether the people in our buildings walk a little taller because we were in the room. We're about to be handed more powerful tools than any generation of educators has had. And we're going to use them. We have to remember, tools are useful, humans are priceless.

Vicki Davis (56:00): Get to know the names. Ask them about Minecraft or whatever it is they really like. Ask what you can do about this week. When somebody kills your cow, think about trading it. You can find both parts of this leadership series at coolcatteacher.com/becoming. Because as I said at the opening of this, I've worked for some of the best principals and some of the worst. And a lot of times those were the same people. Sometimes the worst became the best. Sadly, sometimes the best became the worst. So the question is, who are you becoming? You becoming a better leader? Because there's no such thing as holding steady. We're either improving relationships or they're getting worse.

Vicki Davis (56:44): Sometimes when we get tired and stressed and upset, we make mistakes and we forget to connect. Because a lot of times it's not just what we do, it's how we do it. So I really want you, as you go into your school, to remember, You make such a difference. Now, I remember one time there was some huge controversy going up in the front office in one of my schools. and so upset about it. I was talking to my mom and she said, okay, Vicki, I want you to listen to this. Whatever's going on in the front office, when you close that door, you make the weather in your classroom. And whether you take all that front office junk going on into your classroom with you is up to you.

Vicki Davis (57:27): You need to leave it in the hall and close the door because for some kids, that moment with you is their happiest time of the day and you need to leave it out there in the hallway. Man, that was such a good advice from my mom. So I'm Vicki Davis, and you've been listening to Cool Cat Teacher Talk. Ask yourself today, what kind of leader am I becoming? I hope to see you next week on this station. See you later, educator.

Announcer (57:56): Follow @coolcatteacher everywhere you connect.

Resources from the Show

Books from this episode

  • Up From Slavery by Booker T. Washington — the source of the leadership line that opens and closes this hour.
  • The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor — Vicki’s book of the year, and the source of the research on how team members feel about each other.

People and ideas referenced

  • Booker T. Washington — on what leaders are actually for.
  • Roy Baumeister — the research on belongingness, and the finding that people need frequent positive interactions with the same individual inside a framework of long-term, stable caring and concern.
  • Shawn Achor — the study of employees and business units in which the greatest predictor of a team’s achievement was how members felt about each other.
  • Google’s research on its own teams — the best teams were the ones where everyone felt safe enough to speak up.
  • The long-running research on Chicago schools — schools improve where the adults trust each other.
  • Herb Brooks and the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team — “I’m not looking for the best players, I’m looking for the right ones.”
  • Will Rogers — the story about the cow, and trading it for a little bit of happiness.
  • Ronn Nozoe and Muriel Summers — the guests from Part One, referenced throughout.

Key Takeaways for Teachers

From Amanda Jamerson — discipline, phones, and heart work

  • If you never taught it explicitly, you cannot expect anyone to follow it. When Amanda asked students who received a referral whether they knew the behavior was a code of conduct violation, most said they had no idea. That was the beginning of the whole redesign — and she applies the same standard to her staff.
  • The adults go first. If a teacher sends her an office discipline referral but the contact log shows no call home, she does not act on it. “We’re the lead learners.”
  • Restorative means repair, not a lollipop. Her framework keeps the conversation between the teacher and the student, with four levels before administration is involved — plus a written restorative reflection a suspended student completes before returning.
  • Be visible on purpose. The rolling desk gets her out of the office and into five buildings, so students see her, talk to her, and know she is reachable before anything goes wrong.
  • A phone policy works when the adults are consistent and the families are brought in early. Caddies in every room, a phone in the main office for parents, and the same expectation in every classroom.

From Sonia E. Ruiz — belonging, growth, and leading con corazón

  • Put belonging in the school improvement plan. Most plans hold only math and reading. Sonia’s added the environment and the equitable practices, because students who do not feel they belong will not grow academically either.
  • Ask a better question than a Likert scale. Her team wrote its own student survey: what makes you feel like you belong, and if there were one thing you wish people in this building knew about you, what would it be?
  • Inclusivity lives in the small decisions. Which games get played at the assembly, who is seated where, and whether the library is open with board games during the dance for students who do not want the noise.
  • Growth is a system, not a hero. PD with the district, learning walks tied to the strategy the staff just learned, and a team that reviews what is working each semester — that is how English learners and students with IEPs post real gains.
  • A leader is a coach, not the star. Find each person’s strength, put them in the right spot, and be willing to sit in a meeting you are not running.

Try This Tomorrow

Pick one student you have not really talked to yet. Ask them something that has nothing to do with school — what they do on the weekend, what they are into right now — and use their name when you do it. Sonia’s students told her, in their own words, that this is the thing that makes them feel like they belong.

About the Guests

Amanda J. Jamerson

“We have to follow and do our steps as the adults, as the lead learners in the space.”

Amanda J. Jamerson

Associate Principal, Shorewood High School · 2026 National High School Assistant Principal of the Year

Amanda Jamerson, the NASSP 2026 National Assistant Principal of the Year, is Associate Principal of Shorewood High School in Wisconsin.

Amanda Jamerson, also known as AJAM the Advocate (https://www.ajamtheadvocate.com/), is an accomplished educational leader and advocate recognized for advancing excellence in teaching, learning, and student support across Southeastern Wisconsin. Throughout the Greater Milwaukee area, she is known for her deep passion for serving students, families, and school communities with purpose and integrity.

Amanda currently serves as the Associate Principal of Shorewood High School, where she leads with a strong commitment to equity, growth, and excellence. She believes deeply that showing up for students and school communities is heart work, and she leads each day with purpose, compassion, and an unwavering commitment to equity and excellence. During her tenure, she designed and implemented a Restorative Actions Framework that reduced office discipline referrals by 69 percent over three years, while deepening student understanding of empathy and accountability. She also co-launched a comprehensive cell phone policy that promotes digital balance and has resulted in improved classroom focus and fewer peer conflicts.

Her impact has been recognized at both the state and national levels, as she was named Wisconsin’s Associate Principal of the Year and selected as the NASSP’s 2026 National Assistant Principal of the Year.

Connect with Amanda: ajamtheadvocate.com · LinkedIn · Facebook · Instagram/Threads: @ajamtheadvocate

Sonia E. Ruiz

“A good leader is like a coach where you see where those all the different pieces are and how do we use everybody’s strengths at the right spot. And it isn’t about ego…”

Sonia E. Ruiz

Principal, Jane Addams Middle School · 2026 National Middle Level Principal of the Year

Sonia Ruiz is the NASSP 2026 Middle School Principal of the Year and serves as the principal of Jane Addams Middle School in Illinois.

Sonia E. Ruiz is the Principal of Jane Addams Middle School in Bolingbrook, Illinois, where her leadership has guided the school to Exemplary Status for three years in a row. A proud Latina leader, Sonia has dedicated her career to ensuring that every student learns at high levels in safe, supportive, and inclusive school communities.

Her leadership journey spans more than two decades, beginning with her early years as a school social worker and progressing through roles as assistant principal, associate principal, and now principal. Throughout her career, she has been recognized for transforming school culture, strengthening teacher collective efficacy, and advancing equitable practices. In recognition of her impact, Sonia was honored as the 2021 Lake County IPA Assistant Principal of the Year, the 2025 Three Rivers Middle School Principal of the Year, the 2025 Illinois Middle School Principal of the Year, the 2025 Illinois NAESP National Distinguished Principal of the Year, the 2026 NASSP Illinois Middle Level Principal of the Year, and, most recently, the 2026 National Middle Level Principal of the Year.

Beyond her school community, Sonia serves the profession at both the state and national levels. She is the current Diversity and Equity Chair for the Illinois Principals Association (IPA), was appointed to the Illinois State Board of Education’s Inclusive American History Commission, and will serve on the 2025–2026 IPA State Superintendent’s Advisory Council. Nationally, she is a member of the NAESP National Task Force on Race and Equity and was selected to attend the prestigious National School Leaders Advocacy Conference in Washington, D.C., in March 2025, an invitation-only gathering of principals from across the country to strengthen leadership, deepen understanding of federal policy, and advocate for schools nationwide. She also participated in the inaugural AASA Aspiring Superintendents Academy for Latina and Latino Leaders.

Sonia is a frequent presenter, keynote speaker, and facilitator, having led administrator academies, professional development sessions, and conferences focused on leadership, equity, and inclusion.

She earned her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Master’s degree in School Social Work from the University of Illinois at Chicago, where she also founded Gamma Phi Omega International Sorority, Inc., a Latina sorority that continues to empower women in higher education. She later earned a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership from Concordia University Chicago and is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Educational Administration and Foundations at Illinois State University, with a focus on Leadership, Equity, and Inquiry.

Grounded in her belief that representation matters and that all students deserve to be seen, valued, and supported, Sonia continues to use her platform to advocate for underrepresented communities, mentor rising leaders, and advance equity in education across Illinois and beyond.

Connect with Sonia: LinkedIn · X/Twitter: @MrsSoniaRuiz

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The post Leading With Love: Two National Principals of the Year on What Actually Works appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

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